"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
