..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
