How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize