Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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(519): View more from Ontario

oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.

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(516): View more from New York

no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"

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(937): View more from Ohio

It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.

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(757): View more from Virginia

We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.

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(424): View more from California

You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.

(1-424): View more from California

The hell is wrong with me

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(701): View more from North Dakota

You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.

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(340): View more from US Virgin Islands

If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk

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