Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
