like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
