my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
