it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize