you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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