I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she told me i tasted like america
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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