Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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