When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
