I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
