It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize