Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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