im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
