While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
