from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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