I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
