Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
