how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
