Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
