Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
