I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
