Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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