I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
