Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize