she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize