I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The adults are the big ones right?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
