I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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