I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
