Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
