I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
