do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
