Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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