The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
