people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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