Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
