the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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