thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
