I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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