My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
