So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
