Yo dont text me then not text me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
