Just fell off a train. Bad.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
