She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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