No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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