I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
