OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
