so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
