What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
