I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just gift wrapped bread.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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