I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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