Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
