Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize