ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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