Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
