Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize