I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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