You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
