There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
