Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
