I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize