Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
