that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
