I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
